Eloise (& Brad) online

(No Ratings Yet)
 Loading ...
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’ Continue Reading »

No Comments »

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
Continue Reading »

No Comments »

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway.
Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, ‘What’s going on?’
‘Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David Miliband and Jacquie Smith.
They’re asking for a £10 million ransom.
Otherwise they’re going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.
We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.’
The driver asks, ‘How much is everyone giving, on average?’ Continue Reading »

Comments Off

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?

“We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth”, she replied.

Rate this joke (No Ratings Yet)
 Loading ...

Comments Off

1. Two blondes walk into a building………. you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - “…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…”
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says: “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him £50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said: “No, the steaks are too high.”
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted: “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied: “I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week…… and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. Continue Reading »

Comments Off

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, ‘A Hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’
‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries, and a coke.’
The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same.’
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.

For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.

‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.
‘No, this time it’s a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,’ says the man.
‘Yep! Same,’ says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’
Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer.
Continue Reading »

Comments Off